Confessions

Tumbleweed – It represents everything that is aimless, without direction and easily moved by the slightest influence. This is who I was. 30 years of the run, being locked up in government institutions, crime, drugs, robbery, hooker scams, assault and finally, murder. I was psychotic (but was I really?)

I started early. Involved by the age of 12 in the dabbling of thievery and drug abuse, I became the criminal I detest today. In the weeks and months ahead, I’ll tell you when it all began, where it ended, but above of all, I’ll finally apply reason to a life of hell and psychopathy (but was it psychopathy?)

I’ve spent 25 years of my life locked up in one institution or another,  and approximately 19 of those in prison as an awaiting trial or sentenced prisoner. I am in my early 40′s. So often I tried to justify my actions. Here I merely confirm them and give reason without excuse.

At the age of 10 I became a night owl. I didn’t want to sleep because of the dreams. My schoolwork went out the window and my aspirations to be a cricketer of note went with it. Within that same year I discovered two things, dagga and crime. The crime part actually found me…before the dagga, although I didn’t know it way back then …

I discovered that when I smoke Mary-Jane, I don’t dream. So, Mary Jane became my closest friend. Over the next 8 years I would spend , at most 2 years with my family. It was an orgy of drugs, house breaking, car theft, hotel bulking, hooker scams and the run.

I don’t fall into the category of  ‘I needed to eat … ‘I became the real thing. I thought that way, planned that way and executed my days in that way. For a long time I believed that my crime started by running away from an abusive father. Perhaps it did. Perhaps it started BECAUSE of him, but at the end of the day, I must confess, there were often times where I would see the light, catch a glimpse of the bad that I was, but that’s all thet really were, glimpses of a better and right way.

I was also not the kind of criminal who stole for personal gain as all the proceeds were shared and wasted on hobo’s, addicts, and anyone who showed a little bit of acceptance. At the age of 15 I was stealing for my Sugar Mummy’s rent and car. I stole to be accepted, but in the end, I was always a loner. More often than not I did my own thing.

Murder? I killed a man. Murder? I killed a man. In my mind there remains a difference. I’ve pushed my time and I regret that I did what I did in the way that I did it, but one thing is for sure, the world, men, women and children are a lot safer with this person gone. I do not condone the taking of a life insofar as the laws in this country go, but my views on the death penalty are strong and not without valid explanation. I am saving those views for a page elsewhere on this website.

So yes, my record will prove that I am a criminal, that I have stolen, robbed, assaulted, conned, scammed, drugged and murdered, but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way forever. In fact a lot has changed. Life’s tough, but each day I live with a feeling that I am and can be good to the world